Not long now

Usually I have some idea what i intend to talk about when I sit down to post something.  Being new to the blogging biz, apparently you have to wing it occasionally. so here we go.

I just got in from a ride that was issued by my coach. short ride with 3,  2 minute max efforts in it. surprisingly unpleasant.

I have a few work things to attend to today. then I'll start getting ready for the race.

I really did think I would be feeling better about this by now... But I am worried I've given up and haven't even gone yet. Rather than live with my fears. So at this point I think more than fitness, or strong legs or a fast bike I need courage. Courage  for what?  what am I so afraid?

failure, At this point we are talking hundreds of hours in training. Ass breaking, pain and sweat to break your will. What if all that pain, counts for nothing. I am afraid it will break me after all that suffering I am no better for it. Courage is needed to face the unknown.. will tomorrow break me, courage, I don't know... courage.

I was thinking of a passage from the book dune while I was out riding this morning.

I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain.

cheery huh?

ok well that's enough gloom for today... I have to get ready....  perhaps the preparatory process will help... I sure fucking hope so.