Sunday, April 20, 2008

22nd

I placed 22nd out of 40. 

Did I do well or poorly?  That depends on your perspective.  my team mate won the thing. so obviously  he did great. I am very pleased with how yesterday went. I fought as hard as I could. when i crossed the finish line there was nothing left. So how could i not be pleased. I faced my fears and fought as hard as I could. so I think I did good. 

The race was a fascinating experience. I had never believe myself strong enough to race as a young person who loved cycling. And as I have mentioned I am very interested in confronting the assumption we make for our selves and see what happens. And in this case I found I am strong enough. Strong enough for me, for someone else? that's for them to decide but for me I found I'm just barely strong enough. And I feel damn good to know it. If I had allowed my fear to keep me home. I would still have that assumption in my head that I am too weak to fight. 

courage as it turns out is really really important.

The other assumption, I didn't break. I didn't have a heart attack and die. I placed 22nd and I didn't come away from it demoralized. I pushed to my absolute limit and held it there for an hour and a half and I didn't break.   good to know that too!

Why is all this limit shit important?

How good of a man am I?  What is the limit of my care for my family? How hard can I fight for them? how compassionate can I be? how patient? What is the limit of what I can provide for them? ......  Courage



1 comment:

Tamsin Kirax said...

Wow. congratulations on doing so well Joel! I knew you could!
Thanks for sharing your personal struggles too so openly. Makes you more fascinating to know.